I Had A Dream

I had a dream.

I dreamt that I was flying. I was flying over fields of green and brown. It was spring or fall, and the earth was bare. I was holding hand with my younger sister. See, I was going to the fairies, and she had to come. I had been there previously, and promised her, that she could go too. Our parents tried to follow, but their flight soon faltered, and they had to proceed on foot. I wanted them to come along, so I slowed my speed. I don't remember much of my previous visit, but I know that there are people there, that I know. The world of fairies is a curious one, you soon forget them. That is the way they prefer it, that is their security system. But I wanted to get my family there, so off we went, before the magic was gone. As I was flying, I could feel it fade. I was loosing altitude, and was soon touching and setting off from the ground at a faster and faster pace. But I made it! I came to Faerie, just as the magic was gone. I had my younger sister, and our parents. We landed a a large farm, and the nice farmers invited us in. I told them about my stay, about the people I knew, and they promised to contact them. The wife was going to get some supplies and, leaving my family behind, I decided to go along, because I wanted to find a gift to my love.

Arriving at the store, I saw several shelves of beautiful things. What I wanted was an amulet, something with strong magic in it. I knew money was not an option, how I knew, I don't know. I was looking at these amulets, the next more dazzling, more beautiful, with more magic than the previous, and still it was not good enough. I wanted something special, as special as my love, and I could not find a present for him. I could not, even though I looked at all the amulets in the store. I wanted something special, and not even fairy-magic was good enough for him.

Unfortunately I awoke before I found a suitable present. I am theorizing that I would never find such a thing, though I would have loved to see it in my dream. I I had dreamt it, then perhaps I could tell him about it, describe it. Perhaps he would then understand how much I love him. Alas, that is not to be. There is no gift that would be good enough, to show how much I love him. Not even in my perfect dreamworld could I conceive such a gift.

Something occurred to me: Maybe the reason that I couldn't find a suitable gift amongst the magic amulets, was that they were not as magical as something I have already given him, the most magical of all things: My love.



So a friend of mine gave me a parting message, that he is not worth my friendship. Then he was offline, and I was unable to write back. What is that about?

First of: He is worth it. I love him as the dear friend he is. It's almost insulting me, that he thinks of our friendship that way. It's a 2-way buisness, and we are equals in that. We have to be, otherwise it wouldn't be a friendship. Then it would be more of a mentor and a pupil-sort of relationsship. It's ok for me to talk to kids that way, but not to friends. I could never have a meaningful friendship, if I didn't get anything out of it too.

Second: Well, I don't need a second, cause my first said it all!

Sweetie, know that you are worth every second I think of you, just as I am worth every second you spend on me. That's what it's all about! I am looking forward to seeing you again! Take care!


I am in love. There's no denying it. To the friends I had before, I am trying to degrade it. "He is only 19", I tell them, "It's so uncomplicated". They nod, pretend they understand, and I smile: "He sees me as a Goddess. You don't get that in the average guy!" And then the girls smile knowingly. "You don't get that often", they agree. The thing is, he does see me as a Goddess, just as much as I see him as a God. And it is very uncomlicated. I love him. Period. But it's more than just love..

I feel like a wave washes over me, every time I think of him. It's either very hot, or very cold. Sometimes it feels like it's washing me away, and sometimes I am riding it towards my destination. How cruel the mere thought of being without him. When I close my eyes, I can almost feel his presence. Just beyond my reach, on the outskirts of my inner vision. I think he is there all the time. I have bonded my life to him, a life-bond. I can't breath, when I look into his eyes. It's like my life suddenly makes sense, that all the things I want to do is all of the sudden possible. I can do whatever I set my mind to. I can even dare dream again.

But now I am also afraid of loosing him. It's not something I consider often, but when the thought brushes me, I feel the fear grip me. And every time I say goodbye, and watch him go, I feel like I miss some part of myself, that I don't get back, till I see him again. When I am with him, I feel hole. I have never felt this way before, both intimidated and ready for life. It scares me, and I love it. I love him.

So to all of you out there, who find my life mildly interesting, know this: I love him with all of my being. I want to tell the whole world. I will not degrade it anymore, even if it is easier to avoid the questions. Even if he is only 19. Even if there's a lot of ifs'. I love him..



I went to see Catwoman with Halle Berry yesterday. First my review, and then the political debate, that is the real reason I am posting this:

I like the movie. It's fun and has good catchphrases, but the setup of Catwoman, I being a marvel-fan, promises so much more. I will give it 5 stars. 1 for the movie, and 4 for Halle Berry's behind in leatherpants, Cause - boy! Is it HOT!?!

And then the political debate: Why is it they casted a black woman as Catwoman? In the original series, she is so obvious white, why did they find it necessary to cast a black woman? Because they have to be politically correct? Well, f*** it! They didn't make Hell Boy Blue, right? And while I have nothing against Halle Berry in that leathersuit, I could definitely put names to a dozen white chicks that would look even hotter, Angelina Jolie just to name one. I know, they wouldn't want to cast her, because of her previous engagement as Lara Croft, but there are many more, where that came from. I remember the good ol' Michelle Pfeiffer-days. When Catwoman was not a picture-"purrrfect", but none the less hot. Her lips in that mask made many a man wish he was Batman. I liked the old Catwoman much better: More leather, and less clean. I say: Next time, spend the millions on the movie, not the actress. In this case, she is NOT worth it!


A split-second

I have done something, that I would never have believed possible: René has just finished up a job on one of the tallest buildings in Aarhus. His job was to rapelle down the side of the building, replacing some bolts on the way. Well, the other day he was at my place, just hanging, and he told me that he had to go tidy up at the roof afterwards, and, knowing how much heights scare me, he invited me along. (He has this thing, about facing you fears, and he is still absolutely positive, that my fear of heights will seize once I confront them. They haven't yet, but..) At first I was terrified at the mere thought of being that high in the air, so I refused blankly. But after some time, I realized that I will probably never get a chance like that again. The job was a one-timer for him, and even if he was going back in a couple of years, who knows if I still know him by then? So I figured: "What the Hell!?", and went along. It was terrifying, but not nearly as much as I had imagined. And after about half an hour clinging to the wall, I was actually able to move more freely around. And as long as I didn't think to much, it wasn't that scaring after all. It was a fantastic experience. A couple of days later, I actually did the mistake of thinking, even if only for a split-second, about falling down from that roof, and the fear soon had it's tight grip on me once again. See.. Normally I am not afraid of falling down from high places. What really scares me, is that I am really impulsive, and I am afraid that one day, my impulse will be to jump, and I will throw myself from a place like that. I am not afraid of falling, I am afraid of jumping. What if I go crazy, and just for one second believe that I can fly? One second is all it takes, for me to throw away my life when I am in a place like that.


Untold story

A life less ordinary
A story never told
Some people giving kisses to their other self
I watch them all from a distance
Their pitiful expressions does not bother me
I know my story will be told, I tell them
The story of a life less ordinary
The untold story that will be told one day


Kids II

First of, I'd like to say thanks to all of you, who think I would make a great mom. It's nice to hear, thanks.

But. I really don't want kids. Bringing them up, without shattering their hopes and beliefs against the coldness of the world, is almost impossible. Without destroying their ability to believe in a better world. Without hate and suffering.

Even if you succeed in bringing them up, sheltered from the world, so their childhood is a loving one, they do eventually grow up, and face the harsh reality of our world.

How do you explain to a kid, that other people kill, because they don't like the way we believe in God? How do you explain, that people die of hunger everyday, because we live the way we do? How do you explain that we spend millions to prevent pollution, and yet so many people drive around their cars alone, because it's more comfortable? See, I don't even get it, so why would I be so cruel, as to put a kid here, who will eventually ask those questions of me - Questions I cannot, could never answer?